I am so in love with you. I look at how excited you get when you see me come into your view and I know that you know who I am. That is such a wonderful feeling for a parent and so I thank you for making me feel amazing everyday. We've had some good and some bad days as of late.
The biggest thing I have noticed is trying to get the right dosage of enzymes with every feeding. Most of the time we do just great, but there are those moments when you take more than usual from your bottle and the dosage of enzymes seem to be 'off'. You struggle with the pain in your tummy and all I can do is hold you and cradle you until the pain goes away. You tense up and you turn your head away from mine, almost as if you do not want me to see you struggle. The pain goes away and once it does you look at me once again with those beautiful blue eyes and a big smile as to say thank you.
These past few weeks have been extremely hard. Your father had a wonderful opportunity to go to Chula Vista in California and work at the Olympic Training facility for two weeks; so exciting, especially as the athletes were getting ready to leave for London. But wouldn't you know it...the first full day he is gone, I break my finger in the car door! I never realized how much I relied on my little finger especially on my dominant hand. Even though daddy was gone for awhile, we managed even with a broken finger.
I am a worrier. That is what I do; just ask your father. I worry about your future and that of your sisters. I want to make sure that I have done everything that I can to make sure that all of my girls live the best quality of life possible. I have been ashamed that I have not done all that I can for you. It is hard; but I am going to try harder. Maybe that is why I did it! I have always wanted to donate my hair so I finally went and had 11 inches cut and I donated to Locks of Love.
At his point in my life, I understand that my hair does not make who I am and that it will grow back, but to a young girl who is struggling to find a sense of identity in the crazy, materialistic society maybe my donation will help provide a sense of security as they face struggles that no young person should have to deal with.
We will begin your chest physiotherapy on August 10. I am trying to get a schedule established now so that I may do as much as I can for you. I am dreading the start of school. As of now it looks like we will be getting up around 4:30 am every morning so that you and I can get your morning meds and treatments taken care of and hopefully that will leave enough time for Arya and I to get ready and get to school. I teach some rigorous courses and I truly believe in grading everything that I ask my students to complete; so grading along with your evening treatments should put bedtime around midnight or so. Your daddy mainly works nights, so I know I have to be the one that sees this through. He will be there for you for sure, but his schedule is always changing., and I have read so much about the consistency of treatments.
I just don't wont to be weak. I know that I have to stay strong and I will. Every mother has that feeling that everything they do is for their children. I have always felt that way, but now I will truly live it!
Much Love Today, Tomorrow, and Always-
Your Mother, Autumn
|Mommy's hair before getting it cut!|
|And Mommy's hair now! (This is the shortest I have ever had my hair)|